why i SHOULD NEVER have Patrick Dempsey's babies

Thanks to my lovely friend, Anne Kwiatt, I have found that I cannot have children with Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie (What? Like you didn't want to have her baby either?), OR Patrick Dempsey. Yes, major womp womp is needed at this point. I will most likely only procure genetically engineered babies because the following images should NEVER come out of anyone's vagina. EVER.



Why, you might ask. Because according to Makemebabies.com, I am an African American and all my babies, yes even with Angelina Jolie, look like black Chuckies (i.e. things that should NEVER come out of anyone's womb).

I did find that I can potentially have plenty of babies with Wentworth Miller and (thank God) Johnny Depp, except with W. Miller it will probably turn out to be a Dreadlock-wearing Rastafarian Albino baby. It is a little bit scary how it looks NOTHING like me, but it does look like somebody's gerber child.

And I get that Makemebabies-dot-com tries to get all accurate by including Ethnicity as a marker, but there are more to the human population than just Caucasian, African, and the vague category of "Mixed".


I need to end this procrastination and get back to work, but I just had to share my FEARS. And because I'm a little curious, and a glutton for punishment, I will include a "worst-case-scenario" baby...


Baby totally looks like the Reptilian Bride of Chuckie. Maybe that's why MJ covers his children's faces with loin cloths...






PS - I figured if I had a baby with Angelina Jolie, it should be named Gobi, like the desert. And it is curious how both babies with Brangelina come out looking like I adopted them from Namibia. Curious, but Makemebabies just might be more accurate than I thought.


PPS - My asian baby doesn't look asian! Yeah, I'm a little outraged but kind of glad that if I have a baby with Lucy Liu, it'll look good for Halloween, and not because it's Rosemary's Baby!





On the playlist: Les Chansons D'Amour Soundtrack