"i wanna hold your hand"

The Beatles got it right. It's not about the sex now or the happily ever after. It's all about just wanting to hold your hand. That's all.

Plain and simple. We like to keep it simple. Simple is good. Simple is happy. Simple is bliss.

So fuck the complications. Forget the "he's just not that into you" a-holes. Just hold my hand and I'm good. Life is good. Things are set for the next 6 years. Busy. Science. Learning. Inspiring. Logical.

Now it's just finding someone to hold your hand, even if it's just for the summer. Even if it's just for the month.



***
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.

HOORAAAAAAAAAY!!!

I am battling sickness, but even the mean weather and my body falling apart CANNOT trump my spirits:

Program Acceptance vs. Rejection...

• NSF Graduate Research Fellowship
• Ford Foundation Diversity Fellowship
• Washington St. Louis
  
• Harvard University
• George Washington University
• University of Missouri - Columbia
• SUNY Stony Brook

GREEN LIGHT: I'm going to GRAD SCHOOL!!!

feeling like a gradschool reject

Stupid recession... this is making it harder. Why can't people just let us become what we want to become???

I'm a little heartbroken. I'm beginning applications to the UK.


Program Acceptance vs. Rejection...

• NSF Graduate Research Fellowship
• Ford Foundation Diversity Fellowship
• Washington St. Louis
  
• Harvard University
• George Washington University
• University of Missouri - Columbia
• SUNY Stony Brook

more applications

I've never been much of a gambler. I love taking risks and pushing the limits, but always with a plan B.

In this spirit, I have begun my graduate school applications for UK MPhil programs. At the moment, I'm looking at Cambridge and UCL. I can't take the anxiety anymore, and since it is now officially the 3rd week of February, either the programs have made the decisions are are making the decisions as we speak.

A one-year program in the UK wouldn't hurt (except it would make me bankrupt). However, it will be a much needed respite from New York City. My nomadic soul needs a change of pace.

restless spirit

My soul is feeling restless... inquieto. It is calling for a drastic change.

I think I may go into a hiatus from life in May-June. Go back to the Philippines. Go to the jungle. Volunteer to build homes, schools, etc. Teach. Learn. Reconnect.

I want to feel useful again. Wanted. Needed.


I think this can be the beginning of my grandest opus.

flow

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology)

A regular mentioned this the other day at Alice's.

I have to say that I enter this state quite often. Most noticeably when I was living in Florence a few years ago. Dianne would most likely attest to this.

Volleyball. Art. Travel. Excavating. These for me induce a meditative state of mind that melt the world and my troubles away. Too much of it is also quite degenerative.

A secret I've never shared with anyone: in high school, I was an inadvertent anorexic. Because of my passion for volleyball, and the state of "flow" I was in, I would often forget to eat. Exhausted, I would crash once home and fall asleep losing all my appetite and need to do anything but drink water, learn, and play hard.

That was why I tore my knee so terribly my first year in college.



No one knew. That was how I broke my own spirit. Florence mended and renewed it.

update

I think I just might be able to survive February without moving if I get more interviews with the folks I want to work with and am kept busy with conferences...

Still trying to save up to spend some time just living somewhere else. It'll happen.


***
I am also TELLING the universe that these folk WILL love me and take me into their program. I am awesome and it's the right time this year. This is my year.